Get working on these G5 upgrade modules, LG

The LG G5 might be the most exciting phone at Mobile World Congress this year.

The dual camera system and metal body are brilliant additions, but it’s the upgrade slot in the bottom we’re most interested in.

You’ll be able to drop accessories and add-ons straight into the phone, giving it new features or extra battery life.

LG’s already shown off the first two modules, but they seem a little… tame, to us. We’ve been racking our brains and we think we’ve come up with a few more esoteric ideas.

Don’t tase me, bro

News Editor Tom Morgan wants a Trade Show personal defence module:

“It takes sharp elbows and fast legs to get to the front of the stand at a trade show such as Mobile World Congress – the hordes of assembled journalists, bloggers and cameramen can feel like something out of The Walking Dead.

A G5 module could be the perfect weapon to get out of the crush alive.

How about a personal space alarm that sets off an ear-splitting warble whenever someone gets a little bit too close?

If that doesn’t do the job, a 50,000v taser attachment should make sure Stuff gets the scoop on any new launches”.

A close shave

Reviews Editor Rob Leedham needs a male grooming intervention:

"You wake up in a daze. Your head is in a muddle and your hotel room’s mini bar has been eviscerated. It’s 10am. By the beard of Zeus: it’s 10am!

You have to be at the meeting. You know, that meeting. Where is it again? If you get an Uber you’ll be there in 20 minutes. No one will ever know what a state you’re in.

No time to shower, but an electric shaver module slapped into your LG G5 and you can at least trim off last night’s stubble in the back of the car – Uber rating be damned.

You get to your meeting on time and thrust your sweaty palm towards a fresh-faced suit – hoping he hasn’t spotted the fact that you’re wearing two different shoes".

Small print

Our news editor likes to think he’s handy with a camera – but needs a way to share his snaps:

"Instagram is insta-boring: it’s all filters, food and fake profiles. I’m more interested in printing out my pics and sharing them in person, or putting them on display.

That’s why I’ve still got an old Polaroid camera gathering dust under the bed – I can’t bring myself to throw it away, even if it’s next to impossible to get hold of print packs for it any more.

The G5 could be a 21st century Polaroid with a portable printer add-on. You’d be able to snap away on the phone, then tap a button and send your best shots to a mini printer docked into the bottom.

I’m thinking something like the Game Boy Printer, only with colour. And a decent resolution. And not printed on receipt paper".

Get your game on

Deputy editor Tom Parsons just can’t get enough gaming – but thinks the G5 (and every smartphone ever) could use a bit of a boost:

"Asphalt 8 looks pretty tasty running on a QHD smartphone screen, and the Snapdragon 820 in the G5 means everything stays silky smooth, too.

But can it play Crysis?

The G5 should get a GPU upgrade kit. It would give the phone enough of a graphics boost that it could play console and PC games. The touchscreen might make controlling things a little tricky, so the module should double as a controller too.

It’ll mean I can do some loot-farming in The Division while I’m on the train home – even if it means running out of battery about five times as fast."

A cat’s best friend

Deputy Features Editor Esat Dedezade (unsurprisingly) has cats on the brain.

“Nothing in life quite matches up to the entertainment provided by a hyperactive cat chasing a laser dot. LG’s already slapped a laser in its Rolling Bot, so why not the G5 too?

Sure, you could use it to enjoy your cat’s fluid, natural grace, but it’ll also pay him back for stealing your breakfast. What’s that, Felix? You can’t figure out why that little red thing is running circles around you? Too bad, you little thief.

I’m not a total monster though. When your feline friend “catches” the dot, a treat should drop straight out of the module to keep him happy.

That should (hopefully) stop him from mauling your feet in revenge."

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